How to stop an argument before it gets a chance to fester

Personally I avoid these at all costs. The usual thought is to “deal with it later.” And later is usually not until it becomes a problem and then…it turns into damage control that needed had been had I just, yeah, dealt with it from the git go. Worse is, it’s a slippery slope into being a people pleaser.

But it doesn’t have to be, if I can only approach an argument with a different perspective. Cause if left untreated, arguments can be so frustrating and destructive to all sorts of relationships – friends, co-workers, even close family. They even have the power to wreck long fellowships that are so important to us.

That all starts being more like our saviour and redeemer, Christ Jesus.

And one with a simple question:

Do I really – truly & honestly really – ever consider where the other person is coming from?

What if that person I so strongly disagree with is dealing with a ton of doubts in life and has dealt with unspoken hardship for a longer period of time?

Did I even ever ask about it?

And if I did, did I truly listen?..

Did I ever tried to imagine what that would be like? 

For example, what would go through my own mind if it was me who was faced with daily threats? Doubts with regard to if my life has any worth? My child diagnosed with a chronic disease? (Wait. This actually DID happen to me….)

What would I be thinking if it was me who had a dear close friend I felt had abandon me?

Would I blame it on society? Blame this fallen world we live in? Would I choose to fall into a ditch of self-pity? 

Or would I be very critical about that friend, thinking she was the one who doesn’t understand, who needs to change?

Or….would I take time to ask the right questions? See things her way. 

Truly listen.

I’ll be honest. For me personally, odds are I’d jump straight to judging, thinking I was in the right. I might be of the opinon that dismissing me for no reason and simply being rude.

Thoughts such as “I should have known!” and “typical” might very well be part of the deal. That she probably has other friends who are better matched, understand better, smarter, etc. And border into self pity.

Feeling abandoned.

It’s just that…

Only this latest week, several times I’ve been faced with what it truly means to listen, to at least try to understand where the other person is at. Can I put myself in the other person’s shoes? Can I at least attempt to see that there might very well be another reason why? That it might not have anything to do with me – or that I should have asked…

Side note: there are situations like being a mama to a child with a type 1 diabetes diagnosis. Let me just be clear. If you are NOT a parent to a child with a type 1 diabetes, then there is no way for you to fully comprehend. No matter how well-meant and hard as one might try, there just isn’t.

Truth is I may never be able to fully understand another person’s situation. Yet if I at least try, it’ll at bare minimum help me ask the right questions. It will help me understand better why that person might choose to do or say things that might seem aggressive or dismissive. Which I would have missed had I not take time to listen.

And it certainly does change the perspective of most situations. It’s not avoiding the argument. It’s coming in at a different angle.

See, I do believe that ultimately the majority of us humans are good. Most of us want to do the right thing – whatever that might be. It’s the few bad apples that makes the rest of us be on edge. Unless, of course, you happen to be one of the blessed ones who are walking with Him.

Fruit of the Spirit: Patience.

It’s all work in progress