Had an unsettling experience the other day.
See, I worked with thoroughbred racehorses for years (decades really….). And I’ve been around horses since the age of 5.
Not sure how to explain what happened so it makes sense, but…here it goes.
This thinking started a few months ago already. One day I caught eye on the years’ old story of the woman who trained orca whales at Seaworld in Florida, and was killed by one of those orcas who she had trained with for a long time.
My thoughts? Something like ” HOW did she NOT notice?” “She was in her 40s, she must have understood what was happening to these whales!”
“She must have been able to read the signs, right?…”
In reality these orcas are treated in heartbreaking manners and their frustation is fully understandable. (I happen to be fascinated by these particular animals, but preferably in the wild and on a distance.)
How did she not see it coming? Cause no matter what way we twist it, these are wild animals. Easy to forget, I get it.
And then, of course, the real question.
Is it possible….that the reason I can’t seem to stop giving this incident my energy and time is because it’s reflecting on something in me?…
Hold that thought – I’ll get back to it in a quick minute.
The day other day I “randomly” and suddenly decided to turn on the TV (which is rarely on in our home these days). One of the channels happened to show a documentary on just racehorses and how/why they break down.
Like I mentioned, I’ve been around that industry for quite some time. Always avoided the hard questions. Such as what happens once they leave the track?…
Over the years I’ve seen many horses come and go. And also some break down. It was part of the job. Yes, it’s sad, but weirdly didn’t seem to affected me at the time. Not the way it should have done.
During this TV show, they showed one of the racehorses breakdown during a race and…something stirred in me.
This time it was different. I recognized the track, the horses, even most of the people, but….it all looked very different suddenly.
I got genuinely really upset. And for days to come, couldn’t shake the image of what I had just seen. It really broke my heart to witness.
And then the thoughts came flooding….
As insane as it sounds, could it be possible that this peta crazies that I have been dejecting for so long…is it possible that they are on to something? After all?…
(In honesty, I still think they’re wrong in their doings. Over the years I’ve seen what exactly their focus lay and it’s not in saving pets nor animals. But it still raised that question.)
Through all these years I worked at the track, I talked myself into that I somehow was innocent. I was only an exercise rider. All I ever did was get on them in the mornings during training hours. My constant argument was that “these horses are better treated than the people who care for them” (and in a way, it’s true).
HOW….was any of this any “better” than the illusions the orca trainer must have had on the animals she trained?
Had it not been racehorse, it could just as easy had been orca whale. Why not.
That trainer that got killed by the very animals she loved? As judgmental as I have been over the year about that incident…it could have been me. (There actually was that one horse that nearly killed me. That should have brought me to Jesus, yet didn’t. But more on that later.)
Even after I turned to Christ, I defended my former position as an exercise rider (side note: I haven’t sat on a horse for about 15 years). I didn’t gamble nor inject anything in to any horse. All I did was get on them in the mornings.
But Truth finally hit me. Like a sledgehammer.
And here it is:
I had been engaged in a sport and profession that rely heavily on gambling. And, especially in the US, sometimes worse. Have to add, certainly not all. But many of these beautiful athletic horses fare ill.
That’s the reality.
That is the Truth.
The main focus on this TV show I had seen? It was a trainer I know (though I never worked for him). A trainer well known on the backside to be, albeit successful, but a “butcher”.
This had my head spinning and confused. Trying to get to grips with my new reality and the truth of it all.
And….
If I’m NOT that testosterone driven speed-crazed horse loving exercise rider….
If I’m not this horse girl I always thought I was…then who am I?
The answer is I’m His daughter.
A daughter of God Almighty.
A feminine woman who love my redeemer and savior, Christ Jesus.
Occasionally I catch glimpses of the old self that is no longer – and I tighten my grip on the hand holding mine as I continue on this journey.
Okay, so…. What does that look like?
How does a daughter of the most High differ from the old?
That, dear reader, is for another day 😉
“to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Ephesians 4:22-24